OUTLINE
0:00 Introduction to The Erin Davis Show & Erin’s mission
1:15 Why managing money feels so hard for women
3:20 The four layers of your money operating code
5:00 Conditioning: The beliefs you never chose
8:10 Optics: The filtered lens and comparison trap
12:00 Default scripts: Unconscious stories and stuck patterns
15:30 Emotional triggers: Why money can feel overwhelming
19:00 Real-life example: Emotional response to financial stress
21:00 Why spreadsheets and budgets aren’t enough
23:00 How to start changing your money identity
26:00 The power of sustainable habits
28:00 Erin’s monthly challenge and how to get involved
29:30 Closing thoughts and next steps
THE ERIN DAVIS SHOW
Hi and welcome to today's episode. I'm Erin Davis, your money mindset and Grounded Rich Girl coach. I'm an accountant, so I get the numbers, but what really lights me up is helping women to lean into their version of a rich girl life.
The Grounded Rich Girl is a movement. It's a community of women who feel calm and confident and in control of their money and their lives. I know what it's like to feel stuck on someone else's schedule, doing the right things, but never feeling quite free - feeling like something is always missing.
These days, my calendar includes lots of trail runs in the bush, ocean walks, and lots of slow time. Not because I have to, but because I can. And the only way I've been able to do this is to get good with my money.
So I help everyday women on an everyday girl income live a rich girl life. I work with women to move from financial stress and overwhelm to crystal-clear confidence - because getting good with money isn't about restriction. It's about flexibility. It's about spaciousness. It's about self-trust and building a rich girl life that actually feels rich.
So, are you ready?
Let's jump into today's episode, and we are talking today about:
Why is it so hard for you to get good and manage your money?
I really want to start off today by sharing that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. This is not a personal failure. This is not something that you have done on purpose, or that has happened because you haven't done something.
What the real reason is - why you can't manage your money or you find it so hard to manage your money - is because of that coding that you have running the show.
And so today, what we are going to do is unpack. There are four layers to our money operating code -our operating system - which is what is actually determining how you show up with your money and how you behave.
And so, when we are able to move through this and realise that the way we're behaving with our money is because of this coding, we can then start to take some steps:
* How do we change it?
* How do we move forward?
* What do we need to do?
So, there's four parts to this code:
1. The first part is conditioning.
2. The second part is our optics.
3. The third part is our default programming.
4. And then the last part is our emotions.
And when we start to really tap into what it is that is going on with all of these four layers, we can then start to really make some incredible change. So, the conditioning - this part is...
...is really that - it is what the world has downloaded onto you without your permission.
So, without your consent, you have received all of these downloads - all of these things that are happening to you - but you're not able to choose. It's these automatic belief systems that society has downloaded onto us, usually without our permission or without our awareness.
It's the environment we were raised in. It's what we heard when we were growing up - the roles that we were expected to play.
You know, you heard things like:
* 'Money is the root of all evil.'
* 'Good girls don't talk about money.'
* 'Be grateful for what you have, and don't ask for more.'
So now, as an adult woman, you feel guilty for asking for a pay rise. Maybe you undercharge. Maybe you feel selfish for dreaming bigger - even though, deep down, you really want more.
So this conditioning is the messaging that you've really never signed up for. It can be embedded in the cultural beliefs, in the generational beliefs…
You know, what women should be doing with their money - or should not be doing with their money?
Maybe they're praised for saving or shamed for spending. And we're expected to be good with money - but maybe not powerful with money.
And so really, I want you to recognise that this operating system that we have got going on here - our operating code - the first part is that conditioning. It's what the world has downloaded onto us without our consent.
The second part is optics, and this is the filtered lens through which you see the world. It's not necessarily the reality. It is really your version of reality. And this version of reality is shaped by your conditioning.
So think of it like the Instagram reel.
The Instagram reel is very perfect. It looks like everybody has everything all together - you know, we're living this perfect life, we're having the perfect situation. Yet when we see that, we may be scrolling and see that a woman has hit her first $100,000 this year. Or maybe she's doing, you know, $20,000 months, or 10k months.
You know, there's a lot of talk about, well, to reach 10k months - that makes you successful, or you're in business when you hit 10k months. But who actually decided that? Who determined that 10k months was the measure of success?
And so maybe you see this, and you immediately go to:
* Well, she must be smarter than me
* She's probably just lucky
* I don't have the help like she does
We're making all of these things up, and we don't see that that's possible for us - because these optics are clouding our vision with comparison, fear, a huge amount of self-doubt - and it's really just impacting the way that we're seeing the world.
We're thinking that the world is distorted based on our previous past experiences. So our perception of money is distorted by those past experiences.
You know, maybe you have this scarcity thinking. There's a fear of judgement, maybe perfectionism with budgeting - so you haven't been able to do it. Maybe you think you're bad with money, but you're only seeing one side of it. Maybe you're just focusing on one bad decision that you made.
And let me assure you: everybody makes bad decisions with money. Not everybody is perfect with money.
But when we can start to see this reality - that the way we're seeing the world isn't necessarily the truth - we can start to change our perception of what's actually happening.
And so the third part is the default scripts.
What are the stories that we constantly run daily in our subconscious, that keep us in this familiar loop of beliefs and unconscious thoughts we repeat to ourselves?
It's that internal dialogue that keeps us stuck - even if we want to grow, even if we want to move forward, even if we want to change what we're doing. It's the autopilot settings that we have running without even recognising it.
It's the avoidance. It's the overspending. It's the under-spending or the under-earning. It's how our nervous system shows up in that - in our money habits.
You know, maybe you want to invest in your business - to hire a coach - but you run these old scripts:
* What if I waste the money?
* I don't have the money.
* Success is hard and it's risky.
* I'm not the kind of woman that can handle wealth.
Even though the opportunity feels aligned…
Even though you know it's the right thing to do…
These scripts that you are running - this default operating code - is taking you out of it. It's keeping you in this space of not stepping into it, because you have all of this fear, and all of this worry, and the comparison of things going on that stop you from taking the opportunity and taking the step forward. And then the last part is the emotional triggers.
These are the emotional responses - and emotional response patterns - we have to all of those other things: all of the conditioning, all of the filtered perceptions we have of the world, and all of those scripts that we run daily.
It's all of those triggers that we have.
And so these triggers can be whatever it is that - when your nervous system feels challenged - it's based on those conditionings, it's based on the scripts, and it's based on whatever's happening.
A really good example of this is that I've had a client who, whenever she received a text message from the tax office, it sent her into complete panic. It was complete overdrive, it was complete overwhelm. And it wasn’t just the thought, well, it wasn’t a thought, actually, because she actually received the message, but it was the act of receiving that message.
That triggered such a huge emotional response in her body, because she was so overwhelmed. She didn't understand the debt. She didn't know how much the debt was. She didn't know how she was going to pay the debt, and she didn't know whether it was true or not.
She just didn’t understand, and that caused so much overwhelm and so much stress in her body that she stayed in this continual loop. She couldn’t get out of it, and she didn’t know how to move through it.
And because those emotional triggers are happening to keep your body safe, it really just caused her to shut down. The fear of not knowing and the fear of what was coming and that uncomfortable feeling was really just too much for her to take on.
So these emotional triggers aren’t about the situation, they’re about the old emotions rising from a system that you are operating unconsciously when you feel under threat. And so even when you think you're okay, your body is going to run into these emotional situations.
This doesn’t matter if it’s for women about money, it doesn’t matter if it’s about anything, really - it’s about what is the operating code that we are coming from? What is it that is happening?
And if we don’t update our system, that means we don’t update the conditioning, that is, our thoughts about the world. It’s our way that we get to choose what comes into our world.
If you don’t change the lens through which you see the world, and then if you don’t change those default scripts, how can you expect to have a different emotional response?
You know, you can keep working really, really hard, and it’s going to feel like you're just not making any progress. You're not getting ahead. You're not able to change and make things different. And so this isn't about doing more spreadsheets, or having more discipline with your budget. It's not about getting more strict with these tangible things to “get good” with your money.
It’s about really looking at:
How are you perceiving money?
How is money making you feel?
What do you feel in your body when you talk about money, when you spend money, when you receive money?
All of those interactions with money, how are you showing up in your body? Are you paying attention to how that is making you feel? And so, when we say, Why is it so hard for me to manage money? We often don’t look at what this operating system is. We don’t look at what these triggers are that we have running in the background.
You know, these default scripts:
Money doesn’t grow on trees.
Success is too hard.
I’m not good enough.
I can’t do what they are doing.
All of those things are going to stop you from being able to manage your money.
So if you are finding it really hard to manage your money, if you’re finding it hard to get good with money, then I really challenge you to have a look at: What code are you operating on?
What is your operating system, your default system, that you are running in the background, unconsciously, without even thinking about it, that is really dictating how you show up? How are you behaving?
And I know that when you are able to start to change this identity and step into the identity that feels good and feels right you know that behaviour follows the new identity.
The new identity is created by adjusting your operating code. It’s by adjusting that conditioning. It’s by adjusting the lens through which you see the world. It’s adjusting those default scripts. And it’s about regulating your emotions.
You can then create behaviours to follow this identity. And it’s about choosing to step into this space where you don’t have the shitty money stories anymore. You don’t operate in that default space where money is hard, or it’s uncomfortable.
It’s not that you have to know everything or that you have to have it all figured out in one go.
It’s about allowing yourself. To really lean into:
How do you grow?
How do you want to feel?
What is this new Rich Girl identity that you have?
And when you find what your new Rich Girl identity is, you can really lean into that:
How does she behave?
What beliefs does she have?
How does she act with her money?
And then you can start to change your relationship with money.
Now it’s not about changing everything all in one go. It’s about creating sustainable habits that are boring, that are the same old thing, day in, day out but they are the things that are going to create momentum.
So if you are asking the question, Why is it so hard for me to manage my money? Why is it so hard for me to manage money?
I want you to look at your operating code.
So again, that is:
Conditioning - what is it that the world has downloaded onto you without your consent?
Optics - the filtered lens you see the world through. This isn’t reality, this is just what you are seeing.
Default scripts - the stories that you run daily that aren’t true, but you keep running them.
Emotional triggers - the emotional responses you’re having to all of those things above.
These are the things that - when you get them sorted, you will be able to manage your money. You will be able to get in control of your money, feel confident, and be able to feel empowered.
And that is what we want. It is about feeling empowered. It is about living a Rich Girl life on an everyday girl income, creating your own version of rich, whatever that looks like, because that’s different for everybody. But in order to have that, and in order to create your version of a Rich Girl life, you need to have your money sorted. You need to be able to choose.
Being rich means you have choice. A rich girl has a choice. A rich girl has options. And if you are finding it so hard to manage your money, look at your operating system. If you need help with that, reach out.
I run a monthly challenge. We are currently in the middle of the challenge at the moment, but I run one every month and this is really the introduction to be able to step into this new operating code. So if you want the details, let me know. I’ll put them in the show notes.
But enjoy this space. Take away the scripts that you are running. Allow yourself to learn something new, and allow yourself to step into this space where you can feel good about money.
Thanks for tuning in today.I really hope you enjoyed the show. If you did, head over and subscribe and also leave me a review while you're there. I would love to read it. Don’t forget to share this episode with your audience and tag me on Instagram @erindavismoney. If you need any more info from today’s show, head over to www.erindavis.com.au/podcast where you’ll find all of today’s show notes and links. See you next week on The Erin Davis Show.