OUTLINE
0:00 Welcome to The Erin Davis Show & Introduction
1:12 Erin’s personal story: Money shame and the $1,000 scam
5:47 Why money shame is so powerful
10:32 The comparison trap and hiding financial struggles
14:20 How cultural and family stories shape money shame
17:55 The impact of perfectionism and societal expectations on women
22:10 Avoidance behaviours and self-sabotage with money
26:15 The importance of talking about money and breaking the silence
30:03 Practical tips for starting gentle money conversations
34:10 Moving from shame to strength: Self-compassion and micro-goals
38:45 Celebrating progress and learning from mistakes
43:00 The Grounded Rich Girl approach: Taking responsibility and creating your own path
46:30 Final encouragement and next steps
THE ERIN DAVIS SHOW
Welcome to The Erin Davis Show, where we focus on heart-led finance, where strategy meets purpose, and where you get to define what rich truly means for you. I'm Erin Davis—your host, your money mindset, and grounded rich girl coach.
If you've ever felt weighed down by money shame or caught yourself chasing someone else's version of success, you're in the right place. Here, we believe that when you get clear on your money, you get clear with your life. It's about making choices, saying yes when it matters, saying no without guilt, and creating a life that feels calm, spacious, and rich in every way.
This isn't about hustling for somebody else's dream or measuring yourself against impossible standards. It's about getting real, being grounded, aligned, and unapologetic. We're done carrying the weight of not feeling enough. Together, we release the guilt, the shame, the money mistakes, and all those old stories that keep us small. We forgive ourselves, we honour our growth, and we rise as grounded rich girls.
We take responsibility for our money and our future. We respect it, nurture it, and track it, because when you love your money, it loves you back. We do the hard things, lean into the uncomfortable, and show up before we feel ready—because our future is worth it. You're not waiting; you're creating.
So, this is your invitation to step into a life of purpose, power, joy, and choice. This is what being rich looks like. Now, this is your grounded rich girl life. So let's get started together.
So, today's episode is all about going from money shame to money strength.
Before we get started, though, I want to share a story—a very personal story of mine—about money shame. As you know, I am an accountant, and in the past, I have had this very high expectation of myself: that I should be very good with money, that I should be further along, and that I should have everything figured out. I know that expectation is not very realistic, and it is setting myself up for failure. It has taken me a long time to be okay with where I am right now.
About five years ago, I got scammed. I really struggled with sharing this story because of that expectation that I should have everything together, that I should know what I’m doing. I talk to my clients all the time about scams, how to protect yourself, and what to look out for—yet here I was, doing that exact same thing: getting scammed.
The situation was this: I was on the way to a Christmas party and had had a few drinks. I was drinking—which is no excuse—but it put me in this happy, carefree mode. I was just excited for the day, really looking forward to it, pumped up, and not thinking very clearly. I read an email on my phone, which made all the details quite small; it was all very short and abbreviated. This particular email asked me to go and get gift cards for the Christmas party. It sounded very much like it was real. It had come from one of my bosses and was telling me to go and do something.
Me, being all hyped up and wanting to be the person that does the right thing for everybody, just jumped in and did it. I went and organised all of these gift cards. I purchased them—they were Google gift cards—and before I sent them to the person, I just took a moment. By that stage, it was too late, because I had already purchased the gift cards.
What was important, though, was that I didn’t send them to the particular person, which means that I spent $1,000 on Google gift cards that I didn’t need. But the positive is that I didn’t send them to somebody else. When I was about to send the cards, something just clicked in me. I don’t know what it was, but I realised that this didn’t sound right. I looked at the email, expanded it out further, and I could clearly see that the email address was a scam. It was not right at all.
By that stage, though, it was too late—I had already purchased the gift cards.
I couldn't get a refund on those, and that that just made me, made me feel so ashamed and so worthless. I I really just felt so heavy because I had taken $1,000 away from our family, and that was just horrendous. We didn't have $1,000 to spare. Yet. Here I was thinking I was doing the right thing, and I went through and I just, I did it, I spent it.
And, you know, owning this situation, even being an accountant, sharing it is really hard, and it's really embarrassing, because first of all, I wasted $1,000 of our money that we didn't have. I was taking it away from our family. I instruct my clients all the time about what to be wary of and what to look for. Yet here I was doing it myself, and I I just I felt so embarrassed, so much shame.
And so I want to remind you that if you have made a money mistake in the past, it's in the past. Everyone has been there, even experts, financial experts, make mistakes with their money, and that doesn't mean that you are a bad person, or you're not enough, or you can't do things.
And so stepping into today's episode, I really wanted to share that because I know that money shame feels very uncomfortable. It's that heavy feeling we get when we believe we've fallen short with our finances. And let me tell you, I fell into the biggest hole with that scenario. I can't believe that I did it. I still can't believe that I did it, but it is just not about the actual act of doing it that was awful and horrible, but it's the stories that we tell ourselves and that judgement we feel that we're going to get from others.
For me, being the accountant, I should know better, I felt so much fear and judgement of what other people would say that it just really weighed very, very heavily on me, and now this, where does all of this shame come from? It? A lot of it comes from that comparison trap, you know, feeling less than because somebody else seems like they have it all together.
Maybe you've got a friend who's just bought a new house and they look like they've got everything that they always want. A new co-worker has got all the tech that they want, and here you are sitting there really struggling to make ends meet, or feeling like you're never getting ahead. For me, all of my colleagues would never make a mistake like this. I was in a senior position, and none of my colleagues would make a mistake like this, and so I was hiding it.
But maybe that money shame for you comes from hiding debt, hiding your financial struggles, or even hiding your financial successes, because you're afraid of being judged. You know, maybe it's not telling your partner about a credit card balance or feeling awkward when you're talking to your friends and family about the investments that you have because you don't want to be judged by them. You feel that shame and you feel like you need to play small.
Maybe you're carrying past guilt for decisions that you've made in the past, like overspending when maybe you didn't necessarily have the money to spend, or maybe you're not saving enough, or maybe your business has failed. You know, being in that space of a business can put so many pressures on you, and we feel like that. If the business doesn't go well, then that's a direct personal reflection upon us.
Maybe you, maybe you're beating yourself up because you took out that afterpay loan, or you missed a payment on a bill. Maybe you're getting messages from family or culture or the media about what success actually looks like, and you're not fitting that idea of success.
So then, that is making you play small. You feel embarrassed because maybe your home isn't the flashiest or the biggest, or you have the really cool furniture, or all of the things that you think are that definition of success, but maybe there's also this fear that you're worrying about what other people will see of you, and they'll see you as irresponsible or greedy or bad with money. Maybe you avoid social events because you don't want to be explicit. The bill that's going to create such an anxious financial situation for you that you don't want to own up to, so money shame can show up in so many different areas of your life.
It could also be that we need to believe within ourselves that we have to get everything right with money, because if we don't, we're a failure. This comes back to that perfectionism—that we can't start making a budget, or we can't start to get better with money until we are good with money. The thing is, though, that doing all of these little steps will help you to get good with money, but it's the initial shame and the initial step that we need to take to first get over that shame. What is the thing that you need to do?
There's also a lot of pressure on women to be good with money and not be too ambitious, you know, not to prioritise other people's needs over their own. That feeling of being selfish for investing on your own or investing in your own growth, or saying no to lending money to family members because you are prioritising yourself, this is or can create a lot of money shame.
Another one that I see a lot of clients do or have is that they avoid their money. They avoid looking at their bank statements, they avoid looking at the bills. They avoid financial conversations because it feels so triggering and overwhelming. So what they do is they don't open their mail, they don't look at where things are up to. They don't pay their bills because it all just seems too hard, and they don't even know where to start.
So when you are feeling this money shame, it keeps us small and it keeps us stuck, and that shame convinces us that we're all alone. It convinces us not to reach out, don't ask for help, because we feel like we're the only ones that actually feel like this, and that's why I shared that story at the start, about my money shame, my scam situation, because I want you to know that you are not alone.
Everybody makes money mistakes, but we self-sabotage, avoiding opportunities. Maybe we undercharge, maybe we don't, maybe we don't manage our spending. We overspend to cope because we keep staying in these old patterns of, well, this is what I do, this is how I do it, and that shame cycle keeps repeating over and over again. We stay in that money story.
So I want to ask you, what are the money stories that you are carrying, that you don't, that don't belong to you? Where did these stories come from? Where did they originate? And how do they make you feel? Because it's time to rewrite your own money stories.
In the Grounded Rich Girl programme, we focus on releasing the guilt and the shame and the money mistakes and those old stories that keep us feeling small. We forgive ourselves, we honour our growth, and we rise because, remember, it is common to have money shame, but it doesn't have to define you. You know, every step you take is a step towards creating that financial freedom, but it all starts with self-compassion.
So now that I have shared about my money shame story and explained a bit about these other types of money shame that is happening, I want to move into why is it so difficult for us to talk about money? And a lot of this has come from those stories that we had when we're growing up. You know, it's rude to talk about money. We need to keep money private. It's very personal. We need to be silent.
Maybe, again, there's that fear of judgments that others will think less of us if they know that we're struggling with debt or that this is how much money we've got in the bank. Does that make us successful or less successful? We also have this myth that being good with money means that we're going to have it all together all the time, and admitting that you don't can feel like a failure. So we stay in that space of shame, because we don't want to be putting ourselves out there and feeling hurt and feeling judged.
Women in particular often get taught that we need to put others first, because if we put ourselves first, then we're too ambitious. That can keep us stuck in this space of not talking about money. You know, the more we talk about money, the more we normalise how we're actually feeling and what the impact is.
When we start to do this, we can start to break those family patterns, because money for a lot of families has been a source of conflict or secrecy growing up, and that can make you feel really unsafe now to open up. But you know what? We get to define our own version of success. We are not here to chase somebody else's version of success. We are here to define our own version. We get to choose what rich looks like for us.
And so when you can release these old stories, when you speak your truth, when you start to let go of that guilt and the shame and those really outdated money stories, you are then able to step forward into feeling in control.
And so, some small, practical tips to get going with some really gentle money conversations start small. Share one thing about your money journey with a trusted friend or a coach or in your community. And it can be as simple as, you know, "I'm working on feeling more confident with my money." It doesn't have to be an overshare. You don't have to share every single little detail, but building up the trust with that person or that group allows you to then step into that space of vulnerability, and when you can be vulnerable, you can feel safe and supported and show your body that it is okay to step into this space. This is all about that self-regulation.
I want you to use "I" statements, so, "I've realised I've carried a lot of guilt about my money." Instead of just generalising, I want you to find really safe spaces to talk about money, where you can feel like your honesty is really valued and it is growth over judgement.
But remember, setting your boundaries. You don't have to share everything. Choose what's right for you, and as you get more comfortable, you may choose to celebrate more, but then I really want you to celebrate success, celebrate your courage, acknowledge that speaking up is brave, even if your voice shakes, even if you feel uncomfortable and even if you feel nervous, because grounded rich girls use their voice.
I really want you to know that this matters, because it breaks that isolation. When you start to have conversations about money, you will see that you are not alone. You will quickly discover there are so many other women who are facing the same fears and stories that you have, and I see this all the time in my free challenge, in my group. I've even had people reach out to me after podcast episodes have been released, particularly around the one with financial coercion and financial -oh, what was it? Financial coercion with TJ. I had so many people reach out to me after that because TJ was brave in sharing her story. She didn't want to keep carrying that money, shame, and neither do a lot of you. I know that because you reached out to me and you told me.
When you open up, and why sharing matters is because it invites support. When you open up, you create that space for encouragement. You create the space for advice, connection, and honestly, your story is going to inspire others to have their own conversations. You don't know what somebody else is going through and you don't know how they are feeling, but when you are able to share from your own experience in a place that has felt hard and scary for you, that may be somebody else's reality right now, and you sharing—being able to step through it, move through it, share what you're doing now and how you've worked through it, or whether you're still working through it -that is inspiration for other people.
And I think we forget just how powerful it is by leading by example. But I really want you to be gentle, gentle with yourself this week. Open up about your money stories. That's your challenge for the week. Open up, share with somebody where you're at with money. It doesn't have to be big again, but really, just choose an honest, safe connection instead of remaining silent and staying in that place of shame.
Because remember, we are creating our own version of success. We are not here to define our success based on somebody else's success, we are creating our own success, and when you break the silence, you create and reclaim part of your power. You are a little step closer towards what truly feels like yours.
So. And that leads us into, how do we move from shame to strength? Because it's one thing to say that we have this money shame, and we've experienced money shame, but what are the really practical things we can do to be able to move forward into that and not taking, not feeling like we have to take a massive, giant leap. Because you know what, it is all about those small, compassionate steps that build real confidence and momentum. It's taking practical, doable, deeply aligned steps that put you in that confidence space. And the first part is being compassionate towards yourself.
I talk a lot about self-compassion because I think we are so hard on ourselves, and we don't really give ourselves credit for where we're at. Treat yourself with the same kindness that you'd offer a friend. You would be so supportive of your friend. You would offer compassion, you would talk about forgiveness. You would honour their growth. You would hold them. You would just hold them. You would hold the space. And so why do we not do this for ourselves?
Remember that progress is progress. It doesn't matter how small that progress is or how long it takes. It doesn't matter. It's about just taking the step. And maybe that for you is just checking your bank account balance and checking it without judgement, just checking it. Maybe you said no to something that didn't really align with your values, you know, celebrate that. Keep a journal. And I was speaking to a client last night about this. Keep a journal of all the evidence of all the good things that you are doing with money.
Reduce your credit card balance when you hit a certain limit as you're paying it off, so then you're not tempted to have it go back up, you know, write that stuff down. That is your evidence that you are making positive changes with your money which are in alignment with your actions. Also remember those simple actions of love: check your bank statement with curiosity, not judgement. Notice your feelings. Don't let those feelings just define you. You are not your bank account balance. Your self-worth is not defined by how much money you have in the bank.
Journal about your feelings, you know, what are you proud of? What is one thing you'd like to shift? Set some micro goals. Really own these little steps. What is it that you can do? And I heard Lisa Curry say at one point, are you interested in your goals or are you committed to them? So set a goal and be committed. Already decide, make the decision. You know, there is so much power in actually making the decision. So just decide. You don't have to have it all figured out, but you just need to decide and reach out for support, because having that trusted friend, that trusted person that you can have in your community that doesn't judge you, that feels so supportive of you, that holds the space for you, that is where you are growing, to grow your confidence.
Because remember that growth isn't linear. We're not going to feel like we have it all together all the time. Some days are going to be messy. Some days are going to feel better than others, and that is completely normal, but I want you to remind yourself: grounded rich girls do hard things. We lean into the uncomfortable, we show up before we're ready, because that's what we do. Our future is worth it, and so allow yourself to work in that messy middle space where change really happens, and if some things don't go to plan, that's okay. Don't see it as a failure. Ask yourself, what did I learn from this?
We all make mistakes, and even on this journey for me of getting better with my money, I have still made mistakes. But it is not about having everything perfect all the time. I listened to something the other day that said Roger Federer won 80% - I think it was 80% - of his singles matches, but every point within those matches he won like 54%. I can't remember the percentages exactly, but what it told me was, in order to be a champion, you need to keep showing up. You're not going to win every single point, but you need to be consistent. So keep showing up for yourself, keep celebrating, and remember that when that point is lost, and Roger said this when the point is lost, it's done. Finished. Move on. Next point. What's the next thing that's coming?
So don't keep looking back. Yes, you've made money mistakes. Yes, there's shame about those things that you've done in the past that you're not proud of or you should have done differently, but you can't change that. So stop thinking that you can. Stop dwelling on it, stop leaning on it. Decide, okay, that's done. It's finished. Move on. And now that may seem a bit harsh, but grounded rich girls actually take responsibility for their money and their future. We respect it, we nurture it, we track it, because when you love money, it loves you back. And we don't stay in the past. We look forward. We move forward.
And so every tiny step you take forward is a powerful act of self-love and transformation. You are not waiting. You are creating. So keep moving forward. Look at what it is that you need to do. And the more we can have these conversations, the more we normalise it, the more we will let go of that money shame, because I am telling you, the women that I have coming to my challenges all want to get better with their money. They are all there for their own reasons, but they all have money.
Shame, they all are not where they want to be, and they feel like they're the only ones. So just remember that this is, this is your opportunity to step forward into a place that feels right for you. It is for you to be in a space where you can start to feel really empowered. And I want you to start to think about what are those money mistakes holding over you? What are they stopping you from doing? Because every stumble or mistake that we made is such valuable information. It's not a reflection of your self-worth, but instead it is an opportunity for growth. And that's not to say that some of those money mistakes are not shitty, and they did not have a big impact. For me, losing $1,000 was massive. We didn't have $1,000 to lose, and I felt I was taking money away from our family. But it happened. When it was done, what it taught me was that I need to slow down. I need to not be caught up in that self-validation, that it's a self-important space, or somebody's chosen me, and I'm important, look what they've done. And I need to actually slow down. I need to make the decisions like this that need to come from a place of slowness.
But I also want to honour your courage for showing up and trying, because even when it feels hard, this is the most important step. Keep showing up for yourself. Pick one thing, one loving action that you can do this week, and do it without the shame or the or the judgement that you feel, that you felt in the past. Maybe it's checking your bank statement with compassion. Maybe it's journaling about a money story that you've had. Maybe it's about reaching out to a friend and having a money conversation, because remember, these small steps are the things that create the big change.
And I say this a lot in our grounded, rich girl space, that we take responsibility for our money and our future. We are not waiting for people to come and save us. We take action. We are the ones that decide things are going to be different, and it's up to us to put those things in motion. We track our money, we nurture it, we respect it, and we are not waiting for permission for the perfect moment. We get to create our own path right now.
So I want you to be encouraged to share your wins, share your struggles, send them to me, or send them to talk to a trusted person in your community, but really just lean into that vulnerability, because vulnerability is a strength, and that vulnerability creates connection, and you can inspire others to to really move forward. And I and you know what, when you are hearing from others that you inspire them, or you have helped them to create change, that is part of your journey of creating change as well, because you are enough, exactly as you are. Every little step forward, no matter how small or how imperfect it is, it is a powerful act of self-love and transformation. And I want you to remember that. I want you to realise that this is all part of the journey, but we get to decide.
And so when you want to move from money shame to money strength, it starts with opening up, accepting where you're at, taking the small steps and realising that not every point is going to be a winner, but that doesn't mean you've failed. It means that you just need to show up and keep showing up for yourself, because you are the one that can create the change.
And I hope this episode has allowed you to lean into where you are feeling the money shame. Because when you can let go of shame and just accept it for what it is, you are then able to move forward. The heaviness and the weight that I felt from my scam held, it stayed with me for such a long time, and it kept me from playing small, because I didn't think that I could share that because I'm the accountant, I should know better. But you know what? I am human. I made a mistake. I stuffed up. But that doesn't make me a bad person. It doesn't make me bad with money. It just means that I made a mistake, and that's it. We need to stop reading into it.
So take this as your permission to accept the mistakes you've made, but it doesn't define who you are in the future going forward.
Thanks for tuning in today. I really hope you enjoyed the show. If you did, head over and subscribe and also leave me a review while you're there, I would love to read it. Don't forget to share this episode with your audience and tag me on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/erindavismoney/ If you need any more info from today's show, head over to erindavis.com.au forward slash podcast, where you'll find all of today's show notes and links.
See you next week on The Erin Davis Show.