OUTLINE
00:00 – Welcome & Mandy’s powerhouse background
01:15 – Life before the programme: abundance without safety
03:05 – Facing divorce, debt denial & money shame
05:20 – The turning point: choosing to respect money
07:10 – Building safety nets & “money pots”
09:00 – Intentional spending vs. lifestyle habits
11:00 – FOMO travel vs. authentic choices
13:00 – Saying no to a $30k coaching programme
15:10 – Relief, self-trust & breaking people-pleasing patterns
17:00 – Outcomes: financial safety, moving house, future vision
19:00 – Mandy’s new book Things I Stopped Faking
21:00 – Retreats for women who “have it all” but feel unfulfilled
23:30 – Final message: nothing changes unless you change it
25:00 – Erin’s wrap-up & resources
THE ERIN DAVIS SHOW
Erin Davis
Welcome everyone today, I have the beautiful Mandy Sanders who is joining me. Mandy is a phenomenal woman. She is a powerhouse. Actually, she is running a multi million dollar NDIS business. She also has a coaching business as well. She has just written a book and she is just embodying that life of travel and living that rich girl experience. But I really wanted to bring Mandy on today, because Mandy has done my grounded rich girl programme. I wanted you to hear from her, put where she was at, what she did, what she experienced, and then how she's feeling now. Because I think that that transformation of where you were, what you've done, it, and then where you are now, is just such a beautiful thing. So Mandy, thank you for joining me.
Amanda Sanders
Thank you for having me.
Erin Davis
Tell me a bit about you. Where are you? What are you doing?
Amanda Sanders
I am currently in Orange, New South Wales, and the weather is actually beautiful. Considering it's so cold, I am finalising, printing off my book and promoting my retreat that I'm doing and selling my coaching programme. So I'm really quite busy. I've not long come back from Vietnam, where I did facilitate retreat over there for somebody else. So yeah, I've not stopped, to be honest, since I last spoke to you.
Erin Davis
So take us back. What was life like before you did my you did my free five day challenge. Tell me what was life like, and what were you struggling with around your money, your mindset or your self worth before we got together in that space,
Amanda Sanders
I've always not had an issue with money. Money's always flowed abundantly in my life, always, and I've never had any. I've always had money coming in, and I've never had the security of having savings or something in the background to be able to not worry about where my mum is coming from. So when I started with you, I'd not long come out of a two and a half year two and a half year previously, I've ended a 30 year marriage. So I was used to my ex being there as a safety net for me with money, because he was always spreadsheets and savings and planning, and so I didn't have to think about or worry about money, and I never have, until all of a sudden, it's me and my responsibility, and I'm the only person who is going To be able to support me financially going forward. And initially, I just ignored it and put it aside, aside, aside. And I got increasingly to the point where I just didn't feel safe. I did not feel safe. I didn't feel as if I had something to fall back on. Should I come into a financial crisis of any description? My life from the outside was amazing. I was travelling. I was here, there and everywhere. I drive a wonderful car. My lifestyle is not one that you would think would be somebody who hasn't got any money,
and it was because I was living a rich girl lifestyle without having the knowledge of what that really meant with regards to making sure all my bills are paid, making sure that I am paying for my holidays in advance, instead of scrambling at the last minute trying to work out where the money is coming from. So when I did your initial five days, so many lights switched whilst I was working with you. And I'm not somebody who works with people lightly. I have to believe in them and trust them and know that they are authentic and that what they're they're supporting me with they actually do themselves. So when I met you, I immediately realised that you were the person I needed to support me to actually sort out my money and respect my money more so than I'd ever done previously. And that's what you did.
Erin Davis
Yeah, amazing, because I know when we first started talking together, you were very confident. You were living this beautiful life but you were living this great lifestyle, yet you kept saying to me, but I don't feel safe. I don't feel safe. Future Me doesn't feel looked after. Future Me doesn't have all of these plans in place, and so you have an abundance of money coming in. Money flowing to you is not the problem. And we talked about that, that you know you don't have to be at rock bottom to not feel safe and secure and looked after. And that's why I like this work because it doesn't matter where you're at. It doesn't matter what your situation is. It's very personal, and it is, what is that making you feel? And how are you showing up? And you weren't respecting your money. You were being very frivolous. You were just like doing this, doing that, doing this, without even giving it any thought. So what is it that made you decide like, now was the time? Now was the time when you needed to do something about it, and that you stepped into the programme like, what was that? Did you have a specific moment, or did you have a realisation that that you went, yep, this is it. This is what I need to do.
Amander Sander
I've always known that I didn't respect money enough. It was always in the back of my mind. And when I split up with my ex husband that two and a half years on, on my own, I spent and I healed. I really did need to heal, and I healed, but I didn't think about how safe I was financially at all. And I had booked, I think it was about five different trips overseas this year alone. And I was thinking how, where's this money going to come from? Man? Because honestly, you know you'll find it and you're just going to end up in more debt at the end of it. You I remember saying to you, I've gotten, I've got no debt. I remember that too. I have, I have zero debt. There is no debt, yeah, and then we worked it out, and I have got debts, and I'm I didn't consider them debts. I just considered their lifestyle. I don't know. I don't know, even I was as if I was fooling myself, really. And the worst person to fool is yourself.
Erin Davis
Do you think not admitting or not recognising the debt was maybe coming from this place of shame or guilt? Because here I am, this well supported, well looked after, well travelled woman, yet I've got debt, and if I say I have debt, then maybe something's not like, I'm not doing it, or, yeah, I've done something wrong. You know that sort of thing?
Amanda Sanders
It didn't sit with the personality that everybody saw. It didn't sit comfortably. So I wasn't being particularly authentic in the way that I was showing up because I I come across to everybody as somebody who's got everything sorted out, the business, the the lifestyle, the home, the kids, everything on the surface was fabulous, and yet underneath, I hadn't dealt with my finances and I didn't. I chose to delegate them out rather than understand them myself. And I kept claiming I had this block when it came to numbers. I didn't understand numbers, which is a lie, because I really do understand numbers really quite well. I was choosing to ignore the numbers rather than looking at them. So when I started working with you, I knew I had to look at my numbers. I knew I had to work out what was going out, instead of just what was coming in each week or each fortnight. And when I sat down with you, and we actually wrote the numbers down, and I worked out how much I had to allocate each fortnight, for my bills and for my savings, for my holidays, and for my savings for if the shit is the fan. And once I'd done that, and we started working through it, step by step, I started feeling safer. I've started realising, Mandy, you can actually look after yourself properly, and you can get all this debt off. It's going to take me time. That's not a problem, and I can still have my lifestyle whilst I'm doing it. I don't think it's an either or situation, which is what I was kind of thinking. I'm not going to give up my lifestyle, because I don't want to give up my lifestyle, and yet I still need to pay off all these debts. And once I realise it wasn't an either or, I can still have my lifestyle. I just choose which is the priority in my lifestyle and still pay off all of the debt that I've got. And I know that in a couple of years time, there will be no debt, and I will be. Be very safe, and I'll have done that myself with your support, so I can't thank you enough.
Erin Davis
Mm, that's so good, and it's and I'm very much about it's not depriving yourself, it's not restricting yourself, but it is about being intentional, and it is about choosing where you want to spend your money, and if you want to spend it over here, then that is totally fine. It is your decision. It is your way of doing it, yet you can't get upset and shitty that this is not happening over here, if you still want to maintain this over here. And I know that we spoke, and you know, coffee, for example, was something that was just a habit of yours, and this was your decision. It wasn't me saying, No, you can't have coffee. But you went, Well, I'm going to drive through. I'm doing this, I'm getting this, I'm getting this. And we added it up, and you looked at it, and you went, you went, oh shit, that's huge. And it was all about the awareness and about the decision, then to go, Well, is this where I want to spend it? Is this serving me? Is it making me feel good to do this, or am I just taking the easy, convenient, the habit, that's what I've always done, rather than, well, do I actually want a coffee? Do I feel like a coffee? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't. I don't spend without thought anymore.
Amanda Sanders
Every time I spend now, it's with thought. And I don't drink much coffee. I drink tea at home. I very often think, Oh, I really fancy a coffee. And it's a habitual thing that I chose to do in my past, and getting drive through rubbish or Uber Eats, rather than planning in advance, whereas now, because I've got the different bank accounts, so that the money is in pots, in different bank accounts, and then I have my spending money, and I have an amount there, and I think, What if I get that coffee? Then I'm not going to be able to do that. So my friend's coming in on the weekend, which means I'm not going to be able to go out for a meal with her, because I've got four or five coffees this week. I'd rather go out for the meal, so I'll just go home and get a cup of tea.
Erin Davis
Mm, easy choice. So that's been a really big shift about thinking about where you're spending and what you're doing with that. What other areas have you felt that shift around choosing what to do with my time?
Amanda Sanders
I had a lot of trips overseas, booked and over the time with you, because it was an awful lot of money, I chose not to go. I chose not to go. It's not something that I need to do five times a year and I'd rather go to the UK and see my sister at the beginning of next year, rather than go to Las Vegas at the end of this year, and the money that I would have spent in in Las Vegas can take me to the UK three times. So it's a bit ridiculous. So I'm thinking more about my choices and why I'm doing what I'm doing. And a lot of it's FOMO fear of missing out on things. Other people are doing things. So I'm like, Yeah, I'll do that too, rather than thinking, Well, do you actually want to do that? And whereas now I'm thinking, do I actually want to do that? No, I don't want to do that. So I'm not going to tell you to do this instead, because I really want to do that. And in my heart, I know I really want to do that, but that's not quite a yes, it's, I'm not really sure I I'd rather do the fuck yes, I want to do that rather than the I'm not really sure.
Erin Davis
And that's, that's huge, isn't it? Because, you know that fear of missing out, that fear of, well, this is what life is supposed to look like, or this is what I'm supposed to be doing, or this is what I think I should be doing instead of actually taking a moment to ground yourself and think about, is this important to me? Does it align with the values that I have? Does it get me to this bigger goal of whatever this goal is? Does it make me feel good, or does it keep me up at night, like you having to go do those five trips you just always kept saying, but I don't feel safe. Future Me doesn't feel safe. And then I remember you said to me, like, there's this coaching programme. I want to do this coaching programme. And it was like $30,000 I think. And at that stage, we had just worked out where your income and expenses were planned out what you needed for these trips, because that's that's the intention, that's what you're planning to do. And you're like, Yeah, but I really want to do this coaching programme. And as soon as you got on the call with me, you go, I've done something dumb, but I don't know whether I should do it, but you'd already answered the question yourself, yeah. So talk me through. What is that like? Because it's easy to sit here and say, well, just do this or just do that, but what was the shift that you felt, or what did you do that first of all, stopped you from doing that coaching programme, and how did that feel? What? What was that? That difference in that feeling for you,
Amanda Sanders
I've signed up for lots of things in the past . I've felt I'm not sure that I'm doing the right thing, but I've done them anyway, and it's left me in a more uncomfortable financial position. And I've done it anyway, and it was a habitual way of behaving. I'm a marketer's dream. If somebody says, Mandy, will you I'm like, yes, absolutely. Sign me up straight away. So understanding my numbers with you, and realising where I'm going to have to take the money from in order to do that, and saying yes, initially, thinking, I'll just make it happen, it just sat really uncomfortably with me, really uncomfortable and having you to talk to about it the next day, how massively, because it was going around and around in my head. And I'm a people pleaser. And in my past, I've always been a people pleaser. So saying no to somebody is really hard for me, because habitually, that's how I've been conditioned, is to say yes to everybody and make it happen. So for me to say to go back to them and actually say no was really uncomfortable. And I mean, in my tummy, in my chest, everything is really, really uncomfortable, because it's that fear of rejection. They're going to reject me, they're not going to like me, which is ridiculous, and that's how I felt. So when I actually said no to them, and they were absolutely wonderful, they had no problems at all. They still want, want me in their groups. If not I'm not doing that, that one, I can still be part of their community. And it was like a huge concrete weight had been lifted off, off my shoulders, whereas if I'd have continued and signed up for it and continued with it. I'd have had that concrete weight on my shoulders even longer, because I didn't really need it for a start, and I didn't want to do it, but I was kind of taken and wasn't talked to. I took myself into these bloody things. So being able to say no was quite cathartic, and I wouldn't have said no if I hadn't known my numbers.
Erin Davis
That's the thing, right? Because you knew your numbers, you already knew the decision before we started talking, because you had said yes, but you hadn't signed any paperwork. But then as soon as you jumped on the call, you said, I've done this thing, but I can't do this thing. Yeah, and it's because of this, this and this. And yes, you needed some support, and you needed to talk through it, but you had already made the decision yourself. You knew you had made the decision, but it was that uncomfortable, messy, icky feeling in the middle of, Oh, I've done the wrong thing, but I need this and I need that, but how we spoke about it was, Well, do you want that heaviness when you've signed up to something, that this is what you're going to do, or how you're going to do it, that weight and that heaviness while you're doing the programme? Or do you want to have these other things paid off? Do you want this happening? Do you want that support? Do you want that safety net, and then when the time is right, and you feel like you're in that financial position, then step into it, it's going to feel like such a different energy when you are saying yes to something, because it's coming from that place of Yes, I can do it. Rather than Yes, out of desperation, I need to do this.
Amanda Sanders
But it's, it's so heavy, and it's not quite right, yeah, I think a lot of it was trusting myself and letting go of those old beliefs that I've got, that I'm not capable, I'm not worthy. Keep looking for the next course, the next training, the next support, the next coach, the next mentor, in order to support me to do what it is that I want to do in my life, and saying no, and then sitting back and and reflecting on it properly, I've got everything I need already. It's just a way of protecting myself from failing by putting myself out there, by putting myself out there and doing it by myself. I'm the only person who is responsible if I fail, and I know damn well I'm not going to fail because I'm really good at what I do. I just seem to always need that safety net of something to fall back on, an excuse to fall back on. I didn't make it because I didn't fail. I failed because my mentor was rubbish. My coach was rubbish. The course wasn't what I thought it was. I don't need any of that. I've already got more than enough to be doing what I'm doing, and it just helped me to something. Just helped to click when I said no to that, that course I won't say yes to any more courses, because I don't, I know I don't need them now, and that was a like a a gift with with purchase from doing the the course with you is it's not just about your money, it's about your mindset. It's about how you show up for you, and that reflects through how you look after your money, if that makes sense.
Erin Davis
So what's the outcome of the course? So you did the free five days, then you did my eight week grounded rich girl programme. What's the outcome?
Amanda Sanders
The outcome is that I no longer worry about my money anymore. I know all of my bills are paid, all of them, and I've recently chosen to move house. Because I've, I've had to move out of the home that I'm in. So I've, I've chosen to move into a new house, and I know that I've, I can cover that without any problems at all. I've had to draw from some of the pockets to furnish the the new home, because I don't have any of my own stuff, and that's okay, because I know that I can, and I can replenish those pockets quite quickly and easily, because I now know that where my money's coming from, I now know how much money I have got, rather than in the past. So it was always how much money don't I have? I don't have any money. I don't have any money. I don't and it's not that anymore. It always has money. I know I've got money. I'm going to pull out of that pot, and that's okay. It just means that I'm going to have to refill that pot from over there, and I can do that so that I can do what I want to do right now, so I feel I feel safe. Erin, I feel safe.
Erin Davis
Oh, that is so good, because it is not just about money in the bank, is it?
Amanda Sanders
No, it's really not. It's really not money, I've never been driven by money anyway, the chase of money has never, never been my purpose in life, because I've never thought about it or worried about it, and at the same time, there's a purpose for it, that there needs to be an energy flow in it. And my flow was all out. Yes, it was coming in, but it was going out just as fast, whereas now it's the energy and the pot is just building and building and building. And I know that in my future, probably not immediately in the next couple of years, but in the next three, maybe four, possibly five years, I'm going to be very comfortable. I'm no longer going to worry about where my money is. I'm going to have more than enough so that I don't have to think about what I'm spending anymore. I don't have to think, and I won't be getting coffee constantly anymore, because I'll be respecting my money more than I ever have, and that allows my money to pop to fill, and my pot will just fill and fill and fill. And I know that now, and I didn't feel that before.
Erin Davis
That is so good. I just love that it is so good, because it's not just about well, you can't go and have coffee. You can have coffee and I see you. You go and have coffee, you have dinners out. You were just in Vietnam doing a retreat. You are still doing things, but now you are showing up in that way where you're choosing how to spend your money. You're choosing how you show up, how you respect yourself, what's important to you, what's not important to you. Like cancelling that trip to Las Vegas when we first started talking, you were adamant, this is what I'm doing. I've got all these trips happening. This is what I want. But I want to go and see my sister next year. And now it's like, no, I want to go and see my sister. That's what's important. That's what I'm doing, and that's what I'm choosing. That's so good. I love that. So what would you say to anybody who is sort of on the fence about doing the free five day challenge, doing the programme, getting your money sorted? What do you say? Because I know that there is so much shame that we feel and so much judgement because we feel like we should have this all sorted out. You're a smart woman, and you know you have all of this stuff yet you made such a massive shift and change in the way that you are showing up to yourself and respecting yourself. So what do you say to those women who are sort of on the fence? They're a bit worried, not sure, doubting themselves, doubting if it's for them, they don't, maybe they don't have a lot of money. What are you saying to those women?
Amanda Sanders
Get off the fence. You do have an abundance of money you don't, just don't realise. You don't see it, because you're living in lack, and that, like I was, I was living in lack, and there's no need, the amount of money coming in is relative, because it's your lifestyle, it's all the other expenses that you've got. And it lessens the other expenses that you've got. You don't need huge pots of money coming in in order to have a rich girl lifestyle. I went to Sydney yesterday with a friend of mine, and we spent $50 on a virtual reality thing, and had gone to a cafe on the way back, and I didn't spend any more than $100 and I had an amazing day. It's not the amount of money, it's what you do with it and how you think about it that matters most. So doing your course is a no brainer, because that's what shifts it's not you're not going to have more money coming in, although, to be honest, you probably will, because you'll all of a sudden realise where the money's coming in from and what's going out. It's the what's going out that matters more than the what's coming in, because the what's coming in will sort itself out. It's the what's going out attitude, and I've got no money attitude that matters the most. So do the course
Erin Davis
So you have just written a book. Tell me, that's so exciting. What's your book about?
Amanda Sanders
It's called things I stopped faking.
Erin Davis
We were talking. It was like, This doesn't feel authentic, like other stuff you were doing. This is not me. This is not what it is, and you had this real pull of, you know, this is not authentic yet. Here the book is, what is it called, again, things I stopped faking.
Amanda Sanders
Tell me about the conditioning that we have as women, especially my age group and probably a couple of decades underneath me, we were brought up in a completely different world to the one that is now that kids are being brought up in now, and we're always taught to be a good girl and to be seen and not heard and to respect your elders and doctors and nurses and solicitors, they were All you have to bow down to them and behave so you weren't authentically yourself, and I wasn't authentically myself. I behaved in a way I believed people wanted me to be all throughout my life. I was a good girl, so I was a great wife, I was a great mother, I was a great friend, I was great daughter, sister, all these these masks, if you like that you wear, all these personalities that you you wear that you put on to the point where eventually you actually become that person. Because you've worn the mask for so long that it's no longer a mask. It's actually an identity. And when my marriage ended, my masks I just left, I walked out. And I don't recommend it to anybody to do that. I recommend that they read my book first and work on themselves before they rip all their masks off all in one go. I ripped all my masks off all in one go. I'm a kind of all or nothing woman, which is sometimes really silly, because I then went down a really, really deep, dark hole for a couple of years, and the book, and writing the book has been quite cathartic, because it's all about me understanding the masks that I wore in my past and why I wore them, they Were protective, and why I no longer have to wear them. I didn't actually have to wear them in my past either, and if I'd have known that, then I would have had a a much more self aware and self loving relationship with me, and I wouldn't have felt so resentful and not followed my instincts and my heart and my dreams as much as I should have done. I'm now doing that, and I could have done that in my past, and my marriage didn't need to end. It was because I wasn't being authentically showing up as myself with my ex husband, which wasn't through any fault of my own. It was because I didn't know any better. Whereas I'd love women to start showing up authentically as themselves, because they are enough, yes, in their messy, awful state and emotional and angry and whatever you are enough and they will love you as you are without all of these pretending personas that we take on. And that's what my book's about.
Erin Davis
That's so good, and it's so relevant to relevant to how we're showing up with our money too, right? As in, we want this grounded rich girl life, and I talk about stepping into your identity. Who is that rich girl? What does she want? How does she want to show up? And it's not about faking it, and it's not about being somebody you're not, but it's really about owning it and grounding into what's important to me. How do I want to behave? How do I want to show up for myself without all of those masks?
Amanda Sanders
It sounds, you know, very similar, in that philosophy of you are enough just as you are, and you get to choose how you want to show up without guilt. None of us are the same. None of us the self care that we give to ourselves and the things that make us feel like rich, rich women, rich girls, are not the same for everybody, and there shouldn't be shame around that at all. Nobody's allowed to judge you because you want to go and have coffee every day or or go for a walk every day or get your hair done or your nails done. There's no judgement out there. The only person judging you is you. Nobody else has got the right to do that, and they, most people, don't actually judge them, they are more interested in judging themselves. So we need to stop judging ourselves and do what fills our cup, do what makes us feel abundant in our lives, whatever that is, whatever that is.
Erin Davis
That's so good. And talk to me. You also do retreats. What do the retreats look like, and who are they for?
Amanda Sanders
The retreats for women who have everything, or everything on paper that they feel that they should be more grateful for, that they should be happy. They've got an abundant life, they're successful, they've got a great marriage, kids, everything, and yet there's still something missing. There's still something not right. They are not happy, and they feel guilt because they're not that's what my retreats are about. It's about delving into why you're thinking that way, and supporting yourself to stop thinking that way and live the life that allows you to feel fulfilled on every level.
Erin Davis
Wow. I know a really good money mindset coach if you need somebody for your retreats.
Amanda Sanders
Absolutely. I've already just started them. My first one is at the end of November, in Orange and easy five stars. It's beautiful. I can't wait to do it. So that's my first one. It's dipping my toe into the water. I know damn well I'm going to be really bloody good at this, and I'm going to have more and more and more, and I just need to dip my toe into the water. And once I'm doing that, then watch out. And absolutely I will need an abundance of money Mindset Coach - it's going to take off. It will be big. Women need this. Women desperately need this. They don't need retreats that heal, heal them and breath work. And it's important, yes, and this is more important because you have to deal with the ground roots of what's going on in your world before you do all the health Healing Retreats and going off on your own with your own brain, you can't sit with your own brain. You need somebody to support you to understand why your brain works the way that it does.
Erin Davis
So where can people find you?
Amanda Sanders
You can find me on Instagram, @amandasanderscoaching You can find me on my website, which is https://amandajsanders.com.au/
Erin Davis
Perfect. I will put all the links in the comments in the show notes. So what's one final thing that you would say to women who are ready to or maybe not even ready, because I don't think we're ever ready, but knowing that something needs to change,
Amanda Sanders
Nothing changes unless you change it, unless you want to be where you are in five years time, then stay doing what you're doing if you don't want to be where you are in five years time, then change it now.
ERin Davis
Amazing. So good. Well, thank you very much, Amanda, for joining me. I have loved working with you. I loved the shift. I know that I made you feel uncomfortable, and I know that I challenged you, but I did it with love, and I did it with respect, and I did it in that way that was able to help you to see what it is that you wanted, because it's not it's not what I want, it's not what I need, it's what do you need and what do you want? And I love how you've been able to choose which overseas trips you are doing. You're stepping into your retreats. I love watching you, and I'm just so very, very grateful for you coming into my world. So thank you,
Erin Davis
thanks for tuning in today. I really hope you enjoyed the show. If you did head over and subscribe and also leave me a review while you're there, I would love to read it. Don't forget to share this episode with your audience and tag me on Instagram athttps://www.instagram.com/erindavismoney/ If you need any more info from today's show, head over to https://www.erindavis.com.au/podcast where you'll find all of today's show notes and links. See you next week on the Erin Davis show.