Speaker 1 0:01
Erin, welcome back to the Erin Davis show today. I have a very special guest with me, Jamie Abbott, Jamie, I have been in her world for quite a few years now, and I absolutely love working with her. I think she is a powerhouse of a woman, and she just oozes confidence radiance, and I just, I actually really love just being in her world. So thank you for joining me on the podcast today, Jamie, I will let you introduce yourself, because this is your gig. This is what you do. You do.
Speaker 2 0:33
Speaking I do, I do. Although I heard me on a podcast as a guest for a little while, there was a stage where I was doing, I set myself a target of doing two a month, but it has been at least six months, I think, since I have been a guest. So you've got me all fresh and kind of an exclusive where I can talk about anything. Because it's been a really, really big year. Business wise,
Speaker 1 0:56
amazing, amazing. So tell me a bit about you. Tell me about your business. What do you do? What do you Who do you love to
Speaker 2 1:02
help? Yeah, so like yourself. I help aspiring speakers get on more stages, so people who are already fairly confident in what they do and they just want to start getting paid to MC, paid to speak. And then I have PR club of which you are a member. And I teach people how to promote themselves, how to pitch to the media, how to score podcast opportunities like this, how to get more corporate clients, how to use LinkedIn. My background is as a journalist, politician, military officer. I started out TV and radio. I've been 17 years in the Royal Australian Air Force Reserves, done a couple of tours, including six months in Afghanistan, travelled all over the world in the Air Force, doing PR and media training, and last year, I went to Jamaica, where I was working in my absolute dream job for nine months as a media spokesperson for a UN agency there. And in and out of politics. I was a local councillor, and I've made lots of mistakes as a speaker myself, everything from nerves fears to not charging as a speaker. And I just came from the client, actually. And she's she's in the same boat that I was. She's speaking at these conferences for free, and I said to her, these are $10,000 conferences where other speakers in the lineup are getting paid. You need to start charging. And so I did that for many years, and then one day, quoted a client $30,000 for a full day workshop, and they said yes straight away. And I realised then and there, I'd been under charging and speaking for free when I shouldn't have. And so now my kind of journey and mission in life is to help more women in particular, but I work with men too, just to really back themselves, know their worth and charge accordingly.
Speaker 1 2:52
So that really comes into the work that I do with money mindset, really stepping into this space of providing value but knowing your worth. So how do you help your clients, you know, overcome those fears or that worry about putting themselves out there and then charging for it? Because I know, even if you're not a speaker, or you're not in business, that whole thing of charging what, what you're worth charging, rather than charging on an hourly rate, charge the value that you bring and the outcome that you that you share. How do you help your clients move through that sort of difficult space?
Speaker 2 3:35
Yeah, and it's, it's probably the number one question I get asked is, should I charge for this? And how much should I charge for this? And it really is. It's not necessarily always imposter syndrome. Sometimes it's just people genuinely not knowing that they could have charged. And so people have this fear of charging what they think is too much, and what they fail to realise is you're not just charging for a one hour on stage. You're charging for decades of experience. You know you you've studied, you've done work experience, you've made all those mistakes in your career, and you've got all that knowledge in your head. Don't give that away for free, and I will pay good money to hear an amazing speaker myself, if they're going to help me shortcut the system if they're going to help me avoid making mistakes. And so sometimes just a matter of sitting down and like I did with this client before, I came here and said, You need to charge for this, and she'd never even thought about charging. And so I love the idea of of just being able to give people that extra push and really open up their eyes into backing themselves and knowing their worth and knowing that competitors are charging and they can too. And it's a really incredible position that I'm in getting to really foster these speaking careers and some of my clients now, we've had over 220 go through my paid to speak course. Course, in the last three years, you were one of the first Erin couple of years ago, and some of them are now earning more than me on the stage. I've got people who are earning 15k couple of times a week, and because they just have this incredible I've had Olympians. I've had people who've overcome incredible challenges in life, and and I get to just give them that push, and they've got now they're sharing their story on stages all around the world. So it's an incredible privilege, and I'm very, very lucky to do what I do.
Speaker 1 5:31
It's I think we all have a story just to share, right? And we all have something that we can inspire other people to do, but it's actually having the confidence to think that that is worth sharing or worth charging for. It can be the real game changer. And I know for me, You've helped me step onto that stage, and I definitely want to be doing more of that, sharing what I do, sharing what I love. But that's that's that's part of the whole process, isn't it? Like it's through that business journey of starting developing but then really sharing what it is that you love, because you know that you have something of value to share with your audience?
Speaker 2 6:14
Yeah, absolutely, yeah. And I think it's, it's incredible working with people like you, Erin, because you, you've always been sitting on this gold mine. I think the transformation you've had because you had so much to offer, being an accountant and having that background, and you knew you wanted to help people. But at the time, we're talking about three years ago, you didn't exactly know how. You didn't know like you necessarily were going to focus on women and, you know, the rich girl lifestyle, which you you're now all about, but you knew you wanted to help people, and you knew you had all this incredible content and wisdom to share with people. But sometimes you know you just gotta, you gotta ride that journey. You've gotta try things and think, do I love this? I do, but are people resonating with this message? And a lot of the time it is messaging as you know, just you know what you know, but just putting it out there that is going to resonate with your ideal customer. That's part of the journey we have to all go on, even myself, I've got on that journey. My very first course that I launched, I had zero in sales because my messaging wasn't right. What I thought people wanted was a public relations course. They didn't but they wanted to get paid to speak, and then once I, you know, put it out there to the world, went, Okay, that didn't work. Let's try something else. And the next thing did work. And it's, it's part of just the whole journey of business, really being able to sell and sell with the right message.
Speaker 1 7:34
Mm, so, as you said, your career has just visit so much that you have done, TV, radio, military officer, political adviser, keynote speaker, what was that pivotal moment that or challenge that made you decide to really dedicate yourself to teaching other people how to speak and how to step into this
Unknown Speaker 8:01
area of really sharing
Speaker 2 8:04
their stories. Yeah, I think it was, like I said, before that $30,000 client. So that was December 2021, and I was asked to speak for a sort of an industrial type client. And they came to me. It was Chris was coming up to Christmas. That was the year that the local government elections were on because it had been delayed a year, then it got delayed another three months because of covid. And so it was a really busy time. I had two toddlers, I think they were one and two at the time. They're 18 months apart, and it was crazy. And, you know, I was getting off local council, my hubby was getting on council. So we had an election campaign. We were building a house. It was Christmas, two, two busy young baby boys, and they said, Can you give us a quote to speak for a full day? And so I quoted what I thought was a ridiculous amount. And I often think back, how much would I have charged in normal circumstances, like maybe less busy circumstances, and maybe still wouldn't have been more than 5000 for a full day. And even then, I would have thought that was just, it would be of a stretch. And so I just plucked this ridiculous figure, which, in hindsight, I probably could have quoted more, to be honest, but it was $30,000 and it took them 46 minutes to hit Accept on that quote and that, you know, they didn't even blink at that cost. And it actually ended up being an online full day. And I just thought, wow, this is the moment where I realised I'd been under charging. I'd been telling my clients to charge a lot less, and so I made that decision there and then, to only do keynotes for $10,000 minimum. And this conference that I'm just training, I've trained a lot of women who are speaking at conferences lately, and they're speaking for free at these conferences, and I know when the organiser is charging three or $5,000 per delegate for a two day conference. I. Are paying other speakers because they're the draw card, and too many people are speaking for free at these events. And so it's just yeah, it's like, this is what I was meant to do. All those things I've done, as you said, TV, radio, politics, military, I've got stories to share, and I was sharing them for free, and I was inspiring people myself. And yeah, I just I will I do, do things for free occasionally, but there's a strict criteria I want. I want to be able to film. I want to be able to pitch my services. I want to be able to get testimonials. But apart from those circumstances, I am charging myself, and I encourage anyone who's listening to this or watching this to to charge accordingly as well, and just back yourself.
Speaker 1 10:45
So how do you help your clients really have that mindset shift, so that they can really, truly see their value that they're bringing? And it's not just that passion project, because, like you said, it's it's hard to step on stage when I suppose you're new at that, and you're not sure, but all these other people around you are getting paid. So how do you how do you help them do that mindset shift of, I can't charge or I don't know what to charge to then be charging now these big, lucrative amounts,
Speaker 2 11:20
yeah, there's definitely what you would call a money block, that's for sure. And they'll come to me and look, there's not a one size fits all either. They'll always say, How much should I charge for this? It's probably a question I get asked daily from clients, non clients, and it's always a lot more than you think. And let's just say, Look, you think to yourself, I'd be happy like I live in Newcastle. You're in the Hunter region in New South Wales, Australia as well. And it's about a two hour drive to Sydney. And I think to drive to Sydney to do it. That's where a lot of my speaking gigs are. And I'm going to do a conference. I'd be happy to do that maybe for 2000 let's just say that figure, if you're just starting out. And so therefore you might quote the client, 5000 you just go up and you you put a price on it more than you think. And I do have pricing calculators, which I have in PR club, and my pay to speak course, where you punch in all the expenses involved in going to a speaking gig, and that's everything from your fuel to car, laptop, depreciation, and then you add a nice 60% profit. But generally speaking, let's just say, in that example, where you might quote the client 5000 and they might come back and say, well, that's actually out of our budget, it still opens the conversation to sort of say, well, what is your budget? What are you prepared? And they might say, Oh, we haven't budgeted more than 4000 or 3000 so you still in your head, thought to yourself, Well, I was still happy to do it for 2000 and you can say, look, how about we take away these options, and then we can, you know, do it for this price, for 4000 I had it actually a couple of days ago. I quoted a client a certain price. And even for me, it was a bit, oh, it's a bit pricey, like, it's up the higher end. And the client did come back to me and said, Look, this is a bit high. And I was so tempted to sort of compromise, and I think he was just trying to knock off about $500 off the price. And I could easily it just went, Yeah, but then I sat on it all day and I didn't respond straight away, I thought, no, that's what I'm worth. And so I said to him, let's just book one session. And you know, if you don't, if you because I quoted him three sessions to train his team. And I said, if you don't think there's value in it, you don't have to continue. But I guarantee, well, I didn't say, I guarantee, I think, I said, I think I have to my exact words or something along the lines of, how about you see, and I'm confident that you'll get the results, and then you can decide if you want to continue for sessions two and three. And he wrote back, sure. So it really you have to just back yourself, even when, like, all my fears were, well, he might just pull out all together. And, you know, think, no, sorry, I'll find someone else much cheaper. That kind of deal, that fear still comes to me, but I'm telling you, Erin, like, 90% of the time the client accepts, and if you can deliver value and back yourself, and I know I'll get results for that team, they're going to pay accordingly. And I think it is a really it's a money block. It really is. But me doing this for many years now, and and most of the time, the client will not only agree, they'll get results and they'll rebook. I've got the results and I've got the skills to be able to bring that to the table. So I'm not saying it's easy, even for me, but most of the time, just back yourself. And it's also a perception thing where people do charge to like they they don't charge enough, and people think, why are they so cheap? They must be. They're a bit amateur. So it can actually work against you sometimes by quoting too much. I know when I was 499, an hour for my coaching packages on Zoom. I didn't get any work. And then the minute I put it up to 899, an hour, I get a couple of sessions a week, and it's the same service, same person, but even one of the clients last week, he booked me in for an hour. He said, If you had been 499 an hour, I wouldn't have booked you. I would have thought, Whoa, she's too cheap.
Speaker 1 15:19
So you think, yeah, mindset shift, isn't it like to go well, like, particularly in that small business space, it's you hear so much, oh, I can't afford it, and life's so expensive at the moment, I can't do that. But then it's really about coming back to that value that you bring, isn't it, and knowing within yourself that you absolutely can create the value and and change people's lives by doing what it is that you love.
Speaker 2 15:49
Mm, absolutely, and that's that's it. You need to focus on the results and the transformation that people are going to get from you. So if you book, I don't advertise them, but I do do VIP days. If you book a VIP day with me, and you're going to get 10, I'm not guaranteed. But if you book a VIP day and you put in place all the things that I show you, your speaker kit, your website, I show you how to pitch, show you how to get the contacts, and you're going to start getting 10, 15k speaking gigs, you're going to get the return on investment for that. And I know that, and I think it's just the more you do it, the more confidence you get in, in charging accordingly, but it is 100% mindset, which is what I know you specialise in.
Speaker 1 16:28
Mm, so how do you help your clients move through like that stage fright or that self doubt when they're up on stage? Because it is not necessarily just when you are on stage. Speaking. This could be speaking to a client face to face. It could be speaking to your boss. It could be speaking to a colleague. It could be speaking to somebody in a networking event that you know you're really fangirling over. How do you help your clients be able to move through that stage fright or that, you know, the shaky voice moment of, oh, I don't think I can go and speak to this person. Look, it's
Speaker 2 17:06
it sounds boring and it sounds like not. So I can't give you the magic secret, but just practice, rehearsal and practice. But you people, sadly, don't put themselves out there. You know, they are too afraid to put an offer or to sell. Like it's hard. We're all in business selling, whether it be our services, whether it be products, and the more you do it, the easier it gets. Like, I'm running a webinar. I'm running monthly webinars at the moment, and I'm running one tonight as we record this, and the sales pitch is the whole thing. And I think I've learned not to shy away from it. And even this time, I've emailed people who've registered for the webinar, and I said, I'm going to be selling because in the past, I kind of would hold back, and then at the end, and then go, oh, you know, no pressure. And if you want to take it to the next level, you can join my course, and just by practising and practising and then going, oh, people are actually interested, so I now tell them in advance by email. I state it upfront. I'm going to be selling you this at the end. But, you know, there's no pressure still, but you can still get a lot of value over the next hour. But if you want to take it to the next level, and then the time it comes to the sell, it's still awkward for me. I'm not going to, not going to lie and say, I'm an expert at it, but I just think from doing it so many times and then having that rush of people buying my calls at the end, it's no different. When you go and meet someone at a networking event and you they say, What do you do? That's another thing people do get that wrong when they are trying to do an elevator pitch. I've been going to so many events lately, and I was at a an event on Friday, and I said, I have a very short attention span. And I met a guy and I said, What do you do? And his elevator pitch was so lame, so boring, I tuned down. Started thinking about what outfit I was going to wear that night. As he was talking, I went off, thought about my outfit, came back, he was still talking, um, you know, so I think you have to also think, you know, how do I when I explain what I do, what I meet someone? Well, how can I put it through their lens? You know, what I can offer could help them? People make it too much about themselves, and it's boring. You need to just nail people like me in the first 10 seconds, or you're going to lose them. So practice makes perfect. I know it's a boring answer, but it really does help, and it is the truth
Speaker 1 19:23
I am very much too about how to manage your money. It is very boring. It is very it is very mundane. It is the same thing, day in, day out, but it's that consistency, and it's a practice, and it's creating the habit, right? It's, it's about what do you need to do to be able to move you forward? And if talking to people is something that causes that fear and that self doubt, then it just means you need to do more
Speaker 2 19:50
of it. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. It's not easy. It's definitely not easy. Um, Nothing's easy in business. In fact, it's almost getting harder. The fact that there's so much competition out there. You know, most of us have to be out there online, promoting ourself, promoting our offers, constantly, pushing it as well, because not everyone sees every post. So people say to me, Oh, you, you put yourself out there. So much online. But then I have other people saying, I never see your stuff on LinkedIn. I'm posting every day. I'm posting every day to Instagram and LinkedIn. So that's an important reminder that you do need to keep posting, because not everyone's seeing every post. And yeah. And like you said, you just gotta keep practising and and backing yourself. And yeah, and try not to be boring. Just try and think, if I was them, what would I want to hear and making it about them. So if I meet a real estate agent and they say to me, what do you do? I'm not going to start talking about how I help allied health professionals, which is actually a big chunk of my clientele, allied health professionals. And I'm not going to start talking about that. I'm going to talk about, well, I've actually worked a lot of real estate agents, and I've worked with these companies, and this is what I've helped their agents, their property management staff, do you you frame it to who you're talking to, and, and I've been able to do that from practice, from doing coaching programmes, talking to people who do it well, and getting tips from them, and and you just get better and better at it.
Unknown Speaker 21:17
So how do you,
Speaker 1 21:18
excuse me? How do you plan your money or your financial goals, both within your business, your personal life, like, do you manifest? Do you track what's your sort of routine with how you manage your
Speaker 2 21:32
money? Well, I'm definitely not going to pretend I'm a money expert. It's probably something I've never been good at. And yeah, I knew you're going to ask me something like that. And you know, I think because I have always had a job, I got a job at Red Rooster when I was 13 in two months. And I remember, that was 1995 I was in year seven, actually, and I don't even know if it was legal, I said to them, I just did a note from my parents, and I can work here. And I worked there for three years. And while I was at school, I always had a lot of money. I was working all the time while I was at school, I remember, I think I was pulling in about $400 a week living at home with my parents in 1995 that was a lot of money. And because I've never not had money, I'm not good with money. You know, I've got some friends like I remember this girl that I live with in Sydney, and we were both working in the media, and there was a tin, tin of tunas in our fridge, and it had a bit of mould on it, like, over the top, like, she'd opened it and had, like, a layer of mould. I threw it out, as you do. I thought I was helping her. It was her food. And she said to me, why did you throw that out like because it had a layer of white mould on it and tuna? She said, Well, I just would have scraped that off. And she was, she was actually an executive at Channel 10. I was at two GB radio. We're in the same street in in Piermont in Sydney, and she was earning really good money as an executive. I said, you could just throw that out. And she explained to me, because she grew up not having money. Grew up in a very poor family in England, and because of that, she's so good with money and wouldn't waste food. You just, you just scrape the mould off, because that's a waste. And I always think back to that, because I've always had money since I, like, earned money myself. Since I was 13, I've not had a situation where I haven't had money, I've always earned money, but because of that, I'm bad with money, because I just think, well, I was keep earning more, you know? And so it is something I have to work on. I'm not a money expert. I have a very conservative accountant who annoys annoys me because he's always telling me you're spending too much. Like, Well, should I shut down the business? And he'll say no, because you're earning money, but you just need to stop spending so much money on subscriptions. You spent 40,000 on subscriptions. It's because I'm earning the money. So you know, you know this, being an accountant, the more you earn, the more you spend. And I am definitely the case study for that. So, yeah, I don't have, like, debt, because I, when I was in my 20s and 30s, I just put everything on credit card and at one point I got into $80,000 in debt, personal debt, yeah, because, I mean, I was earning, I've always earned quite well, but that sounds terrible credit card debt. And I saw a financial planner, and she did a budget for me, and I paid it off like, we just put like, you know, the the whole Dave Ramsey's, the domino effect, the snowball, Snowball Method, you pay your smallest debt off and then get better, you know, bigger and bigger, just for that momentum, I did that, and I never got a credit card again in my personal, personal banking account. So I'm, I'm bad with money, but I know that. And so, yeah, I just think I have to surround myself with people like accountants, who are conservative, who tell you things you don't want to hear, and that is stop spending so much money. So yeah, I'm definitely that is my weak spot. Um, email management, my inbox and. And money and my weak spots, that's why I got people like you around me.
Speaker 1 25:03
Erin, Ah, perfect, perfect. Well, we all compliment each other, right? We all have these different skill sets, but I think that's true. It's I. I'm the same. I have never had a situation where we haven't had money or where I haven't earned money, and it is a very different feeling to somebody who has struggled or who has had to watch every single dollar in their account. There's definitely a different mindset and a different way of thinking about it. But I also think too though, you know, there's real value in creating the life that you want and being able to have the money to fund that, and it is about really spending in alignment with what the values are. And if you earn lots of money, and you spend lots of money, if that aligns with what's important to you, what lights you up, how you want to live, and you don't have that weight and that heaviness, then that's totally okay. There's no one, one size fits all. There's no rules with it. It's about how you feel and how it makes you feel with how you behave with it.
Speaker 2 26:08
Yeah, I do need to be better at money. I know that. Yeah, but I mean, it's, I've got a partner who's very conservative with money. He, he's the stay at home dad, but he doesn't spend like he he will have one pair of shorts and wear them till they get rid, I know, but on the other extreme, on the other extreme, and I guess, because I'm earning the money, I just and I justify, like, I'll get my nails done, get my lashes done, get my hair extensions. And I think, well, that's going to make me money. Because, you know, it's all about presentation. But I do probably go a little bit too far. And yeah, I do need to rein in the clothes, the clothes spending. So, you know, I'm definitely not on here as any sort of money expert. I think it's important to share that I'm not going to pretend to be someone I'm not. I'm an expert in public speaking and public relations, but money is definitely something that I know I need to work on. And even just being on this podcast now, it's a great reminder to rein it in. Not everything will make you money, including software, subscriptions and stuff,
Unknown Speaker 27:14
so but I think that's that's
Speaker 1 27:16
really important to be intentional with your money. It's about, well, what will make me money? What brings me joy? How do I want to feel? Rather than just, you know, being frivolous or not intentional, you actually put some intention behind it. And a lot of my clients, they they do. They just spend a lot, and it feels like it comes and goes as quickly, or comes in and then goes out just as quickly, but then they feel unsafe for future you, like future you is not looked after, or future you is not taken care of, because they don't have the savings, they don't have the retirement plan, they don't have these other things happening in the background, but they're living the really good Life. So it's just about shifting the mindset and shifting some of those behaviours, not about depriving or restricting, but just redirecting. And that just makes such a massive change with being able to make sure future you is looked after, but current you is having lots of fun and enjoying life at the same time.
Speaker 2 28:19
Yeah, I like that. I like that. I mean, I've had this conversation with my financial planner because I thought, oh, I should be putting all this money into super and he said, you know, you are already you also need to live your life. And it's a balance, isn't it? I think people take it too far each way. So it's something I'm navigating. And I totally get that, that struggle, and why people see people like you, just to help them, you know, sort of take that bird's eye view and think, you know what's important to me? What do I want to do? We all want to retire and not be at the mercy of the government, I think, or a lot of us do. And so I think looking at that end goal and working back is is important. It's probably not something I have done much until now. And yeah, but you do want to live your life while you're young, and not wait till you're 65 or you know the compulsory retirement age, pension age is being is going higher and higher. It'd be like 75 by the time I get to retirement age. You don't want to sort of wait till then to enjoy your life either. But then you hear these messages, live like today, like no one else, so you can live like no one else later, or something like that, yeah? So sacrificing now so you can enjoy retirement, but at the same time you want to have a bit of fun on the way,
Speaker 1 29:33
exactly now, talking about fun your time in Jamaica was just like next level. Yeah, definitely grounded, rich girl. Life of of creating that, that lifestyle. How did all of that come about?
Speaker 2 29:48
Well, it's, it's quite a funny story. People ask me this all the time. I was literally just in London doing a couple of speaking gigs, kind of a holiday, working holiday, and I went to a function. And, and, you know, I was an ex politician, so I've got a few politician friends, and a politician, ex politician, friend of mine living in London as a diplomat, invited me to a function, and I thought I could be a diplomat after a few reds. And I went back to my hotel, and I literally Googled un jobs, and I applied for six that night, more reds. And three were in Geneva, in Switzerland. Two were in New York, and then one was in Kingston, Jamaica. And I said to my other half, oh, I applied for these jobs. And he said, Well, if you get the Jamaica job, we're not coming, like my two sons and him, we're not coming. It's dangerous there, and it is dangerous Kingston, it's, it's very, very there was, like a shooting a week. It was a very lot of homicides. It was very dangerous. They're not kid friendly. There's no playgrounds. You don't walk anywhere there. And sure enough, I got the Jamaica job. A month later, I'm packed my bags and I went without even giving it a second thought. Left the family behind because it was my dream job. But, I mean, they did come over for five weeks at Christmas. I moved there in October, 2023 they came over at five weeks at Christmas, then I went back for three weeks. So we were together for eight weeks. Went back over. They came back at Easter. So I was really only away from them for six to eight weeks at a time. So, you know, I didn't I think people in the military go away for six months, sometimes 12 months in US military at a time. So it wasn't like a hardship deployment or anything like that, but it was just honestly, Erin the time of my life. It changed me in so many ways, like it was my dream job and it gave me an amazing experience. I was a media spokesperson for the International Seabed Authority, which is a UN agency. So we had our own Secretary General, and I was his spokesperson, plus I was the head of communication. So I managed a global team really, really challenged me. But on the social side, it was just, it was like being a politician, but being anonymous. You know, I had had a diplomatic number plates, the same number plates the prime minister there had I got to meet all the ambassadors, the British High Commissioner, I became friends with her, and I was going to all the parties. And then I became friends with my colleagues, wives, who were just fun and wild. Then I became friends with Jamaican women. And they were next level. They are you don't mess with Jamaican women. They taught me a lot, actually, and that they just have a different culture. You know, we have a huge domestic violence problem here in Australia. A lot of women are victims over there. They're actually, I shouldn't laugh, because I just remember doing my induction, and they said to me, oh, a couple of years ago, more men were killing women here, but now more women are killing men. And you would sometimes see, like, the women there don't put up with anything. You'd see you go to the shopping centre, and I had a car, you know, I drove myself everywhere, got to really explore the country. And there'd be women like, yelling at their spouses because they cheated on them or something, and they were like yelling at them and punching them. They just don't put up with stuff. And like, they talk like they were my colleagues. And they would say to me, Jamie, don't, don't put up with that. Like, you know, my cleaner would always try and steal things from me and would ask me for extra money, and I'm like, Oh, here you go. And then my my secretary would say, you do not put up with her. You tell her no next time. Like, so I learned a lot from them. Like, as a culture, Jamaican women are very, very strong, and they don't tolerate and when I was over there, I've kind of digressed a bit, but I'm just explaining, like, what, how, what a life changing experience it was. There was a lot of women being killed at the hands of men in Australia. And I would say to my secretary, gosh, two women at the time. This was beginning in 2024 and there was a whole heap of tragic circumstances happening. I was reading the news sites back in Australia, and I said, two women have been killed this week alone. And there was so many, it was almost like two a week coming the average at the time. I think it's one woman every week, but that's the ones who are being killed. You know, so many are getting extremely injured, and my secretary, she couldn't believe. She's like, women are getting beaten up by men. Like, she's like, why don't they just hit them back? Like, and I'm like, because they're like, men, they're strong, and they're drinking and, you know, like, we've just, we've got a terrible problem in Australia, but in Jamaica, the women are really just like, you know, so, yeah, and they just don't put up with stuff. Like, I remember, like, a Jamaican men, a very, very forward. And they would also, like, hit on you all the time. And I remember I went across the road from work. We worked in a pretty dicey area downtown in Kingston. I went across the road with my Jamaican colleague, and I had sunglasses on, and this Jamaican man came up to me, and he said, You got the most beautiful eyes. And my colleague said, she's wearing sunglasses, you idiot. And then he kept following us. And then she said, Stop. She says, Do I even look remotely interested in you? No. And then she she told him to f off. And like, I was just going, No, thank you. You know, being as you are polite as we do, I think it's a cultural thing. I was like, Oh, thank you. Not interested. Thank you. And she was like, f off. She's not interested, you know. And I just mean things like that happen to me. And so they taught me a lot Jamaican women, I'm not saying that we're not strong, you know, there's definitely deep cultural things that we have going on here, but that side of things and just letting my hair down like I was very uptight, you know, and very judgmental, until I went to Jamaica, and it was like the devil's playground. I was wild. I had the time of my life. I partied so hard. I had a beautiful penthouse with my own private pool outside my bedroom on the rooftop, my own private pool on outside, like I was just this three bedroom, two story. I spent all my money on rent. You know, once again, not good with money, but it was worth it. I had these incredible parties where we were just all semi naked dancing, and I don't know it just the old Jamie would like go that is so reckless, but it was like a line in the sand for me. I've come back to Australia now, and I'm much less judgmental. I'm much less thinking Life is short, let's have a great time as well as do all the sensible things at the same time. So it really changed me in more ways than than one. Like I just, I'm very, very grateful for that experience, which I went over there for career reasons, thinking this is going to be amazing, but I've come back. I've lost 50 kilos. I look and feel amazing, and I'm just living my life like it's my last day on earth, you know, because I think I was just so focused on career, career, career, being sensible. Don't ever appear in a photo with he's a wine glass. It's got some commemorative wine glasses from an event I went to. Don't ever be in a photo with a glass of wine. You know. Just everything was so, like, uptight and worried, and now I'm just being myself, being authentic, having fun, as well as running a successful business. And I really do put that down to my time in Jamaica.
Speaker 1 37:12
That is, that is so cool. It is really such so very aligned with this whole grounded, rich girl, life of create the life that you want unapologetic you and that is a different life to everybody. How do you cope, or how do you manage with people like the judgement from other people about that is that, I know we've sort of had a few discussions in the past, but I know, like, I think, for me, putting myself out there, that fear of what other people think, that fear of, oh, what are they saying? What are they doing? I don't know if I can say that. I don't know. You know, I think it takes practice, and it takes a huge amount of courage to be able to go, No, this is me. This is what lights me up. This what's makes me happy? This works for my family. This works for us, and I'm just going to be me. So how do you manage going through that or navigating through that stage?
Speaker 2 38:10
It's probably the best question you could ask me right now. So I was an obese politician. Let's just set the scene right. I was 128 kilos a Liberal Party politician in a labour town, I have never copped more trolling right now in my life, how I look now than I ever had, and I was an obese politician, Liberal Party politician. I thought I had been trolled and copped the criticism. Nothing as will compare to what I'm copying now. And I've been in online business now for almost four years. I started in online business at 128 kilos as well. And it was my heaviest in when covid sort of was, was hitting, had my second child, and I was dancing, you know, wearing dresses I wanted to wear that showed off my breasts, you know, but I was 128 kilos. No one would dare say anything. They would never say anything about an obese girl wearing a sexy cleavage, showing dress now, as a size 12 online business owner still doing the same content. It's a free for all. You're being too slutty, you're being too sexy. You're taking away from all the it's like when it seems to be okay to send me these messages or comment publicly because I'm smaller, but you would, you would never dare do that to an obese person, and it's absolutely shocking and disappointing to me that it also comes from women like not a week goes by. Sometimes I get a couple a day from successful, gorgeous women from all over the world, mostly in Newcastle, where I live, because I know these people sending me messages saying. You've been too sexy. You know, you've been too sweaty. You're showing your boobs off too much. I'm being very personal in sharing this. It's not something I've spoken about too much because I don't want to give it too much oxygen, but I just want to set the scene about what I'm kind of going through now. And because, you know, I've, I've had a bit of a glow up, as people say, you know, I've had some, some work done. I'm working out. I go to the gym and do strength training. I've never looked and felt better in my life. At 43 years old, having spent most of my life being obese, right? And I just I'm sad for the women who who feel triggered by that. I'm sad for them. I am sad for them, but it's been an interesting thing for me to have to deal with as well, because it's so much judgement. This is only what I know about. I imagine there's so much going on behind my back, and so it's been a real challenge. But I'm kind of glad as well that I've experienced this, because, as you know, in PR club, we've got 80 members, and they're always saying to me, Oh, I'm scared about putting myself out there. Up until I've kind of gone through this, I used to say to you all, it's easy, just put yourself out there. Who cares? You just attract but now I'm copying the judgement I get it, and it's like a lesson I've had to learn, because I actually go, Okay, I now know why you are all hesitant, because there is judgement out there. There's judgement from everyone, and so yeah, it's been, it's been a little hurtful, but how I've got through it is you actually do attract more positive energy. You do attract more clients. My business has never done better than what it is doing now for men and women, and you get so much support. So I think it's like when you're you get 99 positive comments, like nice reviews, and you get one negative one, you focus on the negative one, right? That's just how we are in human nature. And I've just had to really train my mind to go, this is your issue. You're, being triggered by this. And I've I used to feel that way. There, there are people that, like Abby Chatfield, she used to trigger me, and I think part of that was envy, because she was out selling dildos, gorgeous boyfriend, being outspoken, dance, doing whatever she wanted to do. And I was, maybe I was envious of that, so I unfollowed her, and I'm bitched about it to myself, like, Oh, you're an idiot. But, you know, I look back and I go, I was probably triggered by her. And there's other people along the way that I've probably and then people I'm doing that to other women as well. So you just have to say to yourself, this is their issue. I'm not going to resonate with everyone. So something that I've done is triggered. And I'm sad for them. I'm sad for them to feel they have to send me a message to tell me that they don't agree with my content, and you have to really just align yourself with this is this is authentic me. I feel confident. I feel sexy. I've got, you know, by putting myself out there, I've got messages to share, and I'm helping people, and I'm attracting, I'm inspiring people as well. Because, you know, I get so many lovely messages people saying, You've inspired me to lose 20 kilos. You've inspired me to put myself out there online. But it does come with this small cost. And, yeah, it's just kind of hit me like a, you know, a bus as to how fast the criticism has come. And I think it is definitely a challenge, but I can tell you now, Erin, the rewards are so much worth it, because when you do show up as your authentic self and you back yourself, you do better, you get more lead sales clients. You know, this week, I'm absolutely booked out with men and women, one on one, clients who are getting me in Sydney, Newcastle, people who I didn't even think liked me, I've just had, you know, client this morning, from a woman who was from a different political party to me, and she's booked me in for a whole heap of sessions, and it's the rewards are worth it. So I just wanted to share that because, yeah, it's not all rosy, but you have to just focus on being your true, authentic self and and focus on those people that you are helping and that do like it. But yeah, there's a long winded answer, but it's very relevant for me right now, because I've just gone through that the last couple of months.
Speaker 1 44:15
And thank you for sharing it, because I know that that is very personal and very vulnerable of you to share that, but I think it is really such an important message that you're not going to be for everybody, and people are going to judge no matter what. And so when you are able to own where you are, take control of who you are, what it is that lights you up and really create the life that just blows you up, like you said, you've had that glow up, but just really inspires you to be that best person. You can't hide that happiness. You can't hide that smile. You can see it in your face. You are such a radiant, beautiful human. And I love being in your world, and I know we had dinner not so long ago. It was just such a great night to be there all together, and I think you need to just surround yourself with people who bring that out, who support you, resonate with you, not always agree with you, but lead with love and kindness, because we're all, we all have a space here. So thank you so much for sharing that I really, I really appreciate you being so
Speaker 2 45:22
vulnerable. Oh, you're welcome. And it's probably the most vulnerable I've been, actually, but, yeah, that dinner where we just, kind of, I've just picked people like yourself for a peer, mastermind, people, I think they're kind of at the similar level to me. We're all wanting to scale. And, you know, we're not just starting out, and it's just, it's not a money making attitude. We're going to go away together later in the year, and we're going to just workshop and Hot Seat each other's businesses, and it's about protecting your energy as well. Like I had, speaking of business women who send you messages. A couple of days ago, I had a woman say, Look your I put a birthday post up how I turned 43 and it was me in a you know address, showing off my body, I suppose, and I put it on LinkedIn, and it got huge traction, but it also got a bit of criticism. And she sent me a private message, and she said, your birthday post has triggered me. Do you mind if I share my feedback with you privately, rather than putting it on, you know, out there, maybe the old me would have said, Sure, share it. But the new me went, um, look, thank you for asking. However, right now, I'm in a space where I want to protect my energy, and you know, I'm sorry if it's triggered you, but I actually don't. I don't want to take on board any negative feedback, particularly about a post that I shared from a place of celebration and joy. And so it's a matter of saying, No, why should I have to listen to your thoughts? Because it triggered you. Like, all due respect, f off. I'm sad for her that she felt that way, but I also am proud of myself for going like maybe a little bit of miscarriage to know which part triggered you. But I don't. I don't want to know. I don't want to know because I need to surround myself with positive people, because there are so many more positive responses and views about a post like that. And so, you know, I'm seeking out friends. I've recently come the last couple of months, met a male entrepreneur who is in Newcastle, and he's just telling me how it is like all the nice stuff saying, you know, that person's saying that because they're envious. This is the skill you bring focus on that. I've met him at the right time. So I'm going to choose more of people like him, more of people like you, and more of the peer mastermind. There's seven women and one guy in our peer mastermind, and I did that deliberately, of people like yourself, who genuinely want the best for me and for themselves and I, and I'm very really, I'm really excited. I don't know if it's just going to be a one off P mastermind, or maybe we'll have this, hopefully, this friendship through business. We all do different things for years, but I know that I've curated that you know, this group of people who don't have bad intentions, and I'm just going to avoid getting sucked into those people who want to bring you down, or think I'm not happy with something in my life, so I'm going to bring you down, or I'm going to, you know, say, oh, you know, like, yeah, I've had, should I say this? Yeah, I'll say it because I don't shy away from it. But you know, I had, I had losing 50 kilos and then breastfeeding for many years. I had a boob job this year, right? And people go, Oh, yeah, she's had work done. She's had work done. That's why they look so good. I'm like, okay, okay, if that is that how that makes you feel better. It's like when you see amazing women who look incredible, like Sonia Kruger, right? Um, Australian. She looks amazing. She looks 61 or something. People go, oh, but she's had Botox that makes them feel better. They go, Okay, well, that's why she looks so good, because she gets all this Botox done. That's how they make themselves feel better, because they're envious, and so I've copped a bit of that as well, but I choose not to, and it's not easy. And I have had weak moments where I've got, oh, you know, they're being really bitchy about me. But now I turn it, I try and turn it around the last couple of months and go, I'm sad for you. That's, you know, you're obviously not happy with yourself, that you feel you have to bitch about me or tell me, you know, oh, you've had, you've had work done. That's why whatever, whatever. But we have, we have the ability to choose who we let in, who we focus on. We only have a certain amount of energy, a certain amount of time in the day, and that's why I choose people like you. Erin, I choose people who are going to bring me up because I don't need I've got enough challenges in life. Life's difficult, you know, it's for some more than others. I don't need to be wasting any thoughts on consoling people who might have insecurities. And I just, I hope this helps someone, because we all cop it in some way, shape or form. Even women who you see it all the time, oh, she has a nanny. That's why she can do it. She can afford it. She has a rich husband who can pay for her Botox, however you want to justify it, to make yourself feel up hard to go, oh, that's why she's doing amazingly, whatever. But I'm not going to let that into my space and bring my energy down.
Speaker 1 50:21
I think we are so good at judging other people because it highlights that lack or that missing thing for us, it's triggering us in some way that we want what they have, or we're jealous or we and you know that can be really hard to admit. And I know I have definitely been there, there in that space in the past where I have judged people, and I have been really critical of them, but it has taken a lot of ownership to go, no, well, hang on, what is this saying about me? Where am I at? What do I need? How do I Why is it triggering? And that that took a lot of ownership, and it was very, very hurtful for me to be able to say that, because I don't want to show up in the world like that. I don't want to be in the world as that judgy person. But when I actually owned it and looked at well, why am I doing that? Why am I saying that? Why am I behaving that way? It was a real insight into those insecurities that I felt and the things that I needed to work on. So I think it takes a lot of courage to actually own what you're saying and own how you're feeling, rather than just being that person who throws stones and and judges and, you know, hides behind these private comments or whatever. And I think it's, it's such an important thing that we need to own where we're at and look at what it is that you're doing and how you're behaving. And, yeah, I don't know where I was going with that, but
Speaker 2 51:51
that's no but I think you know that was, that's really great and good on you for being able to recognise that. It was a lot
Speaker 1 51:58
to recognise it. It was really, really hard, because I didn't want to be that person. I didn't want to be that person who was judgy or who was commenting, but until I owned it, until I realised, well, what is it saying about me? How am I feeling? What do I need? Where am I lacking? That's when I was able to own it, and I think I'm a better person for it now, because I've been able to move through it and work on it. And, yeah, I'm the same as you. I want to be around people who light me up, make me feel good, who challenge me, who inspire me, not necessarily agree with me all the time, but maybe make me think bigger. Because I think we get so stuck in the groundhog day of this is how it has to be. This is, you know, this is the life we have to live. And your evidence of that, that you don't have to do that. You can go and work in Jamaica for nine months. You can go and do these things. You can show up in a world and be that vibrant, beautiful self that you are. I think that we need to take inspiration from that and learn there's so many opportunities we can create whatever it is that we want. We just don't dream big enough.
Speaker 2 53:06
Yeah, no, I think that's great. And I think it would be great if more women in particular realise that, you know, it was something in themselves, rather than directing that. But yeah, and it's hurtful when you're the victim of it. Even I went to an event the other day, and I was there late, and a male who I was there said, I really wanted to meet you. And he said, I said, Oh, did you? And he said, Yeah, in fact, I was a mutual friend who had invited me to this event who couldn't beat him. And she actually, I'll show you, I was sending her messages saying, Where is Jamie Abbott. He showed me the trail. And he didn't mean to do this, but I looked at her messages, um, because he was saying, She's not here yet. Where is she? And she had said, you know, like that bitch, why isn't she turn? I got her the ticket for that event. And then I also, I just focused on what she had said. He didn't mean, I don't think he meant. He was just saying, Look, I showed her that I was wanting, you know, waiting for you to come. I genuinely wanted to meet you. And she was saying, Ask her where she got a teeth whitening done, ask her about a boob job, how much a tits cost. And I was so disappointed that that she had said that. And so, yeah, I just, it's just another example, you know, and I wouldn't have known that she had said that if he hadn't sent me, show me these messages trying to make himself look good, that he, you know, genuinely wanted to meet me, yeah. And so I just think I wish more women recognise that, but it is now how I console myself if, if I'm getting any sort of and I don't get that much, but I just get a lot more than I ever have, you know, one a week, one a week, and it's always from women who I thought had all their shit together. I thought they were just so incredibly successful and beautiful inside and out, directing this hate, you know, trying to bring me down and say, Oh, she's had a teeth white, and she's had a boob job, she's had this, she's had Botox, whatever it is to make. Feel good. So I just think, if you're a woman and you like listening to this, and I know you have mostly women listening to this, just check in with yourself and think, have I been triggered like me? You and I have made that acknowledgement and thought, yeah, that and it's not jealousy, it's envy. It really is. There's a difference. We get the two mixed up a lot. They've got something that I want or I don't have, or I'm not happy about myself I don't have. And you know, why is it I'm feeling this way about them? Yeah, and I just think if we all, we all did that, and recognise that, I think there will be a much better place, and we would all support each other so much better as women.
Speaker 1 55:38
Me too. Me too. Well, such a valuable conversation. I just have a few quick fire questions, because I have taken up enough of your time today. What's something you no longer apologise for when it comes to your money? Well, maybe you don't, because you
Speaker 2 55:56
because I'm not the best with it. Look, my other half is very conservative, and I will do like, I just joined a members club in Sydney for a ridiculous price last week, and my other half's like, That is ridiculous. I'm not going to apologise. I see that there'll be a return on investment. I don't always get the return on investment. I've made some stupid decisions. I'll admit that. I've I've bought programmes, I've joined masterminds, which weren't a right fit, and I've spent ridiculous amounts. I don't always get it right, but I don't apologise for things that I know I'm going to get the return on investment for.
Speaker 1 56:30
Are you a designer Splurge or debt free?
Speaker 2 56:34
Joy? Designer splurge? I mean, I've got no debt, but still could have a lot more savings.
Speaker 1 56:43
What's one money belief that you've had to fully let go of?
Unknown Speaker 56:48
Ooh, that's a good question.
Speaker 2 56:52
I'm not worth it. Maybe, you know, like, I think facials, for example, have always been seen to me as something unnecessary. But you know, I won't get a facial very often, but if I do, I'm worth it. This is, you know, I deserve this. I've worked really hard. It's going to benefit my skin, it's going to make me relax. I'm massages, facials, that sort of thing. Yeah, that's a money belief. I'm not worth wasting time and money on something like that's seen as a luxury, and I think, yeah, trying to, I don't always do it, but I'm getting better at thinking I am worth it.
Speaker 1 57:28
And the grounded rich girl, value that you live your everyday life by,
Speaker 3 57:34
oh, that's a really hard question.
Speaker 2 57:39
Grounded rich girl. Give me some examples. Give me some examples.
Speaker 1 57:43
Um, well, you don't apologise. You choose you, yeah, just you know, you put yourself first. What are the things that, well, actually, what's the value of you, or that that's really important to you?
Speaker 2 58:00
I have a Louis Vuitton handbag. I've had this handbag now for over five years. I I splurged on it, and I wear it morning, night, every event. It's with me everywhere. I used to spend money on cheap bags or cheap things, or even, gosh, replicas. You know, I go overseas and I'd buy something, which was, yeah, I would never do that anymore, but I think I proudly have that bag, and I don't apologise for it. It will last me 2030, years. It looks brand new. I wear it all the time. You get what you pay for? And I'm very proud of that bag. And, yeah, I think it's probably not answering the question much, but it is, because it's every day with me. That bag, it's part of my identity. I don't apologise about it. I don't say I'm even the fact that I'm justifying it now maybe, as I say, this will last me 20 years, but I proudly wear it and and I feel, yeah, I worked for that, so it's an important reminder every day that I worked really hard for that, and it's just the best investment, and it signifies the person that I am now, rather than just buying cheap bags all the time, which always fell apart naturally. Yeah? So I think you sometimes you get what you pay for when it comes to quality items like that. So hopefully that's the answer.
Speaker 1 59:23
Thank you so much for this conversation. Where can people find you?
Speaker 2 59:27
Everywhere? You just type in Jamie Abbott on Google, I am everywhere. So Jamie Abbott is my handle on LinkedIn, Tiktok, Instagram, Facebook, Instagram, I'm on there every single day, LinkedIn as well. But you can just go to my website, Jamie abbott.com.au, and Jamie has two eyes, and Abbott has two b's, two T's,
Speaker 1 59:46
amazing. Well, thank you so much, Jamie, for your time today. I really love the friendship that we have created over the last few years. I am really looking forward to the peer mastermind, like you said, we're going away. This year, but I really love just being in your world. I think you're an amazing human and thank you so much for spending your time with me today.
Speaker 2 1:00:07
Oh, you're welcome likewise. Thanks, Erin, thank you so much for having me. I've really enjoyed being on the podcast.
Speaker 1 1:00:14
Thanks for tuning in today. I really hope you enjoyed the show. If you did head over and subscribe and also leave me a review while you're there. I would love to read it. Don't forget to share this episode with your audience and tag me on Instagram at Erin Davis. Underscore, transform. If you need any more info from today's show, head over to Erin davis.com.au forward slash podcast, where you'll find all of today's show notes and links. See you next week on the Erin Davis show you.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai